Confession time… I write this not for pity or to ignite anger that you take out on the comment section, just to round out the experience of motherhood that I share here. So, my confession. . . I don’t know if I’m a great mom. Every mother has guilt and I am not immune. I come on here and write strategies that work for us in our family affected by ASD. I try to be positive and not make it a blog of my whining, but I struggle with more than I say – I think we all do. Most of the time in daily life with my kids, I am overwhelmed. I am auditorily overwhelmed by their incessant question asking (what are we doing? What’s for supper? When can I have screens?), their fighting (she wrecked my lego! My brudda is boddering me! STOP IT!) and their demands (Mama, milk! Mama, fix my shirt! Don’t help me! Help me right now!) I am physically overwhelmed by constantly sharing space with a 4 and a 6 year old and all their books and toys as well as by their energetic bodies pulling at me, climbing on me, and running into me. I am mentally overwhelmed by my ongoing to-do list of tasks that need to be done to care for my family – groceries, cooking, laundry, mending, dishes, school drop-off/pick-up, after-school activities, on and on and repeat. I am left exhausted and anxious, not knowing what to do, so often I do nothing. I put on Netflix for the kids and I avoid them and my tasks and myself. I play silly games on my phone and read celebrity gossip instead of spending quality time with my kids. I was thinking back on 2018 with sadness knowing I have been in survival mode most of the time and not been the parent I want to be. I don’t blame myself for that as life has thrown a fair number of curve balls our way and survival is important. But it’s a new year and with each new day I can make the choice to move closer to the mom I want to be – someone who has fun with her kids, who knows her kids well, who’s kids trust and take comfort in her. That is the great thing about new days, weeks, years – we have a chance to try again, to do better.
These are my confessions…
Life With E 
Thanks for sharing your reality and your goals. Isn’t that why we make new years resolution? Because we know we all have things to work on. We’re all a work in progress.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for this Jenny, I appreciated it. Good to remember that each day is an opportunity to be the person you want to be.
________________________________
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Erin. It’s a good reminder for me too and I bet others feel in a similar rut to me with young kids.
LikeLike
Hey Jenny,
Thanks for your honesty! I think about how I’ll need to be mindful of how I cope and have my “me” time as baby B gets older too and how to maximize my time with her during her growing up years. Although sometimes you do just need that break for some quiet. Gotta find the balance or at least strive to find it. One day at a time! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your honesty. It is hard to be real In a world of illusion and our images and mental scapes of what motherhood is/was/should be is vast with outdated models and impossibly high standards! There is a psych term called “the good enough mother” which has helped me a great deal with trying to find the balance and veer away from perfectionism.
But ultimately, I just want to say a huge thank you for using your voice in such a real way, which allowed me to see and hear myself reflected. I am a fellow survivor /traveller on the ASD road and trying to find more joy in life and parenthood, but it seems elusive. Leaning into the many, many lessons.
THANK YOU!
LikeLike